Last night, after weeks of absence, I finally made it to my favorite Monday yoga class. It was almost a two and half hour class. Since I returned to it, I have been leaving a bit early to get home in time to feed Mia, just in case. My bones were aching for a stretch and I got what I needed. As I tried to focus on my standing pose, I could not help but noticing the writings on the wall. Vinayam (Gentleness) and Dheeram (Patience) in ancient Sanskrit reminded me what I was building up in my practice and how I was in reality. Lately especially when Mia refused to eat solid food after me prepping it time and time again, I got really frustrated with her. I was roughing her and trying to shove food into her mouth, while she resisted with all might. I was practically wrestling with a seven month old who could not yet express herself in words. She was fiercely complaining in her blabbing way but I pretended that I did not see. For years, everyone said children would teach me patience. Mike always said I was the most impatient person in the whole world. It might really be true. Patience does not come over night. I am trying really hard. I often thought when I had my own child, I'be be gentle but the past weekend I was not. Since last night's practice, I thought I'd put myself in Mia's shoes. How would I feel if someone twenty times stronger tried to shove food in my month and I could not even say I did not like it. If I wanted to play with my food because I was curious and I did not understand food was not toy, so what? I thought I'd try harder from now on. First thing is to always be gentle and kind. Maybe then patience will come.
